The PIE Chronicles 2: Attack of the PIEShies
by Eternal Smasher
Summary: Melee. Well, Master Hand screwed up. The PIEShies have run away, and the Smashers have been appointed to get them back. Will this adventure be as pointless as the previous?
1. The Demand: The Sequel

_New story. Too soon? Don't care. Two words. Each sentence. Read now. Have fun. Get pie.  
Okay, I'll stop._

_Yay, sequel-tastic! I just couldn't leave the Chronicles alone. I liked it too much. This here chapter is the prologue; nothing too fantastic going on yet. But it'll be about as good as the first if I think really hard. To the max._

_Let's begin, shall we?_

**2-and-a-half months ago, the lovable group known simply as the Smashers went on a memorable waste of ti- um, journey. They met nobody during their travels, except for Jigglypuff, who met a kind of detective named Jacobs. They had not so much of a good time. The quest for PIE was indeed something special. Like an oddly amusing misshapen turd. At least they got to drive, and kill various unimportant people. And meet some type of hedgehog.**

**But little did they know, that on this very day, a certain someone would completely screw up the peace and revive the "adventure". Like that oddly amusing misshapen turd clogging up the toilet, this wasn't over.**

**xxx **

The Smashers had gathered for an emergency meeting in the brand-spanking-new meeting room. They had been waiting for about 44.862 seconds, and, yet again, a perfect game of Extreme Tic-Tac-Toe was cut drastically short. Just their luck.

Master Hand quickly floated into the room through the giant doors. He looked normal, but everyone could tell that he was rushed, pissed, and overall stressed. He soon made it to the center, and wasted no time.

"I need your help."

"What do you want this time?" asked Roy. "It better be good."

"You all remember 2-and-a-half months ago, correct?" the hand asked.

"How can we forget?" everyone collectively groaned.

"Yes, well, for the past-"

"I CAN FLY!!!!!!" That was Crazy Hand, flying overhead through the ceiling. Or rather, the brand-spanking-new ceiling hatch.

"Thanks. Shut up. Now, for the past 2 months, I have essentially spawned a new species, enslaved it, and made lots of money off it. That...PIE-Shi I took, as we all know, produced pie fillings - of various types, I might add - and tasted fantastic. The rapid reproductive nature of Yoshies resulted in many PIE-Shies, much deliciousness, and the opportunity of a lifetime."

"You used them to make pie, didn't you?" asked Fox, seeing this coming.

"Yes."

"You gave them no choice?" asked Peach, one of two who didn't get the big picture already. (The other was Jigglypuff, of course.)

"Yeah, 'enslaved them', right."

"They got angry, strikes, threats, deaths, riots, and whatnot?" asked Falcon.

Master Hand looked at him. Or so we assume.

"They ran away, and I need you all to get them back for me. Apparently, slavery doesn't work. Go figure."

"Surely you're not going to enslave them upon retrieval," said Zelda.

"Hell no. I want to make a deal with them, but they won't listen to me. So...there you have it."

Silence draped the room, but missed Crazy hand, who was giggling like...well, like Crazy. Motivation was a necessity here. Master Hand faked a cough.

"Prize."

The room murmured.

"We're in!" Pikachu said. His old team had won the prize last time, an aspect of which became a close friend: a PIE-Shi named Steve. (There were more, but you can blame Bowser for that.) Yoshi and Kirby nodded along with him.

"That's all I needed to hear," Master Hand said quickly as he and Crazy left through the hatch.

More silence.

Mewtwo teleported somewhere.

More silence.

"Umm...let's go?" Mario said somewhat quietly.

Team 1: Mario, Luigi, Dr. Mario - The Italians

Team 2: Yoshi, Kirby, Pikachu, Steve - The Cute Ones

Team 3: Peach, Zelda, Samus - Girl Power

Team 4: Ness, Young Link, Pichu - The Brat Pack

Team 5: Fox, Falco, C. Falcon - The Spacemen

Team 6: Link, Marth, Roy - The Three Brave Swordsmen

Team 7: Bowser, Ganondorf, Donkey Kong - The Power Trip

Team 8: Popo, Nana, Mr. Game & Watch - Old School

Team 9: Jigglypuff, ... - Odd One Out

10 minutes later...

**xxx**

"Are we all ready to go?" asked Luigi.

Everyone responded positively and halfheartedly.

"I can't hear you!" Luigi said, attempting to hype up the crowd.

He got no response. Just Fox shaking his head in disappointment, and many disgusted stares. He sighed and kept quiet.

"Well then...LET'S-"

Everyone walked outside, leaving Mario to stand in a pool of his own stupidity. He didn't even bother finishing. He joined his fellow team members.

_**Next time on Attack of the PIE-Shies, Jigglypuff makes an important phone call on her new cell:**_

"_**Hello? It's me...What'd I tell ya?...Ooh, yeah, definitely bring that!"**_

_**The Power Trip encounters an unforeseen obstacle like no other:**_

"_**Great. That idiot had idiot family members."**_

_**Steve makes an important discovery:**_

"_**What's that smell...?"**_

_**And The Spacemen...well, they saw this coming:**_

"_**Mr. Falcon...I have a warrant for your arrest."**_

_**All this and more, coming eventually!**_

_Ooh, sneak previews. Nice._


	2. Target Sighted

_This one's part of the update frenzy too. The search continues...now._

**In the last chapter, the Smashers were informed of Master Hand's lost slaves- er, workers, and given the daunting, seemingly pointless task of retrieving them all. Upon retrieval, a particular group would get something for their trouble. No one knew what that something was, but they wanted it. They wanted it bad. So off they went into the harsh, unforgiving world...again...**

**xxx  
**

The Italians experienced deja vu as they walked to civilization once more. Their quest was familiar, but they each hoped for a different outcome than before. They wanted to win this time.

"I hope we win this time..." Luigi said, on the lookout for anything suspicious.

"I'm confused as to how we go about doing that," said Dr. Mario. "Master Hand wanted them all back somehow. But everybody's looking. What, is it who has the most?"

"I'm willing to go with that," said Mario.

"You know how annoying that is?" asked Dr. Mario.

"What is?" inquired Mario.

"We sound exactly the same. It's like one of us is talking to themselves."

"It is."

"Okay, stop now."

"But-"

"Seriously, that's freaking me out."

"I'm on to you, path..." Luigi said under his breath.

Mario and Dr. Mario stopped talking. It was a silent walk for 6 seconds. Until Luigi got attacked by an owl.

"Ahh! Get it off my face! I wanna live to see!" Luigi screamed.

Mario fried the owl. It looked rather tasty. It was on a plate and everything.

"Well, that was normal," said Dr. Mario, right before a fish slapped him in the face. "Ow."

Mario was about to be mauled by a cheetah.

**xxx**

Elsewhere...

The Spacemen were about to get back in the ol' Arwings and begin their aerial search. This was gonna be a piece of cake. Why?

"We have radar. This shouldn't be too much trouble," Fox said, waiting for the ship's steps to lower.

"Let's just hope Falcon doesn't do anything too retarded today," said Falco.

"Come on, Falco. That whole thing blew over. No one even knows it was me that shot that mall and destroyed that bridge and killed all those people. There's no way anybody blabbed..." Falcon boasted. Then he heard sirens.

"...Oooooooh, Falcon's in trouble..." Falco said, laughing.

Falcon just stood there.

"Come on, Fox, let's go," Falco said, motioning towards his Arwing.

"No, we have to stay. Just...well, we _might_ be considered accomplices. Can't have that," Fox figured.

"No, please. Stay. I don't think I can take this on my own," Falcon pleaded.

The sirens ended. A car door slammed. Falco motioned toward his ship once more, desperately. Fox sighed.

"Falco, we're sticking with him. Sorry."

A man in a suit came from the side of the mansion. He walked like he was busy and this was a waste of his time.

"Mr. Falcon?" The man flashed his badge quickly. Fox knew he was a member of the NSBLIS: The National Security Bureau of Looking Into Stuff. Creative.

"Yes, sir?" Falcon answered.

"I have a warrant for your arrest." The man took out a pair of handcuffs attached by a laser. "You're coming with me."

"Care to tell us why he has to go with you?" Fox asked.

"This man is the only suspect for what was the worst attack on this city ever witnessed. Even worse than that time...oh, it's too horrible to recollect. If he doesn't comply, I'll have to shock him into submission. So it would be wise to-"

Falcon pistol whipped the man 4 times, knocking him out, and rushed into his Arwing.

"Oh, this asshole...WHY? Why did he just do that, Fox?" Falco was angry, if you couldn't tell.

"The one time you decide to use your gun...you do THAT? We're FUGITIVES because of you, you dumbass!" Fox yelled.

Falcon was about to take off. Fox and Falco groaned collectively and got into their Arwings as fast as they could. They took off only 2 seconds after Falcon did.

**xxx**

Elsewhere...

The Power Trip, like before, had already made it to the city. In fact, they had already scared up a lead. It turned out that a PIE-Shi had been seen near the city's largest mall. It replaced Mall-Mart as the mall of choice. It was called Bulls-Eye. Yeah. Nice.

"Just 5.4 more blocks until we get to Bulls-Eye, and we can kill something. And get that PIE-Shi, too. Are we allowed to kill the PIE-Shies or not?" inquired Ganondorf.

"We're not killing the PIE-Shies. I mean, anything. And 5.2 more blocks now." Through DK's comment, the reader inadvertently found out that the team was in motion.

"I just hope no stupid crap happens like last time," Bowser said, on the lookout for that stupid crap he was talking about. He didn't count the various citizens ducking, covering, panicking, and running as far away as possible. But he did count a particular man .9 blocks away from his position, who seemed to be staring directly at him. He could just tell.

"Guys, look. I could swear I've seen him somewhere before."

"Yeah, me too," said DK. "But where?"

"Bowser!"

All 3 team members ceased movement. It was coming back to them. Kinda.

"You thought I would give up that easily?" the man yelled, walking slowly towards them. Bowser shrugged questioningly at his fellows, who shrugged in response. "I swore that I would not mentally rest until the day I killed you dead. Today seems to be that day!" He threw a bevy of sharp needles at Bowser's face. He closed his eyes for 1 second. The needles looked like they bounced off before they even touched his scaly self.

"Not if that's your best, it's not," Bowser replied. He remembered. And he was mad that he did.

"Oh, that's not even close to my best shot, King Bowser." At that moment, the nameless man was only 30 feet away. "I've got company."

"I don't see anyone," said DK.

16 people emerged from behind the enigma of a man. There were 8 females on his left, all with chest and leg armor (which looked homemade), different kinds of melee weapons, and varying ages from 13 to 29. For the sake of non-redundancy, the same went for the 8 guys on his right. Except one of them had bombs.

"Oh, them. Right," DK realized.

"Great. That idiot had idiot family members," Bowser said, wondering why. Just why.

The quantity of ducking, covering, panicking, and running citizens tripled in 2 seconds.

"Prepare for you and your little friends to meet their doom. ATTACK!"

The 17-man/woman army charged toward the Power Trip, fury blazing, weapons at the ready. This battle was going to be intense indeed.

"Ganondorf, can you...uh...take care of this please?" Bowser asked with minimal worry.

"I will take extreme pleasure in doing so. Stand back and watch." Ganondorf rubbed his hands together and was slowly covered in a powerful, lordly aura. Bowser and DK slowly moved back. When the "army" was 12 feet away, Ganondorf's hands became engulfed in flame. With a fierce yell, he drove his fists into the pavement. A pillar of fire 15 feet in diameter rose up from the sidewalk and incinerated the army in a flash of intense, warm, fiery light. After 3 seconds, the flames instantly dissipated. As expected, the army was completely gone. And the sidewalk was unharmed.

Bowser whistled. "Nice use of fire. When'd you learn that?"

"Oh, it just came to me one day. Didn't think it was so effective," Ganondorf said, surveying the area.

The quantity of ducking, cover- you know what? The city looked damn near evacuated now.

"Okay, now that the fireworks show is over, can we go to Bulls-Eye now?" DK asked, slightly jealous.

**xxx**

Elsewhere...

The Cute Ones had made it to the suspiciously empty city several minutes ago. The emptiness was good; it made searching for the PIE-Shies easy.

"Now no one can ride or pinch me," Yoshi said with relief.

"Well Steve, if you had just been emancipated, where would you be?" asked Pikachu.

"Definitely here. Definitely looking for work to sustain my life. After that...I'd go shopping. Why do you ask?" said Steve.

"Bulls-Eye," Kirby decided.

"...Bulls-Eye what?" asked Steve.

"We're going to Bulls-Eye. Right now," Kirby said, starting to walk faster.

"Oh, okay." Steve followed close behind. It didn't take long for him to notice something strange. "What's that smell?"

"Hm? Oh, it's the city, you get used to it after a while. Let's keep going guys," Yoshi said.

"No, not that." Steve sniffed rapidly. "It smells like me...except...further."

"Strange. I don't get it," said Pikachu.

Steve pointed northwest, a.k.a. straight ahead. "It's coming from that way."

"Good, that's where we were headed anyway," said Kirby, several feet ahead of the group.

"You're awfully impatient today," said Yoshi.

"Uh-huh," said Kirby, twice the distance away. Yoshi sighed.

**xxx**

Elsewhere...

Team Old School had taken a cab to the city, but the three decided to have the driver drive around until they spotted something interesting. Needless to say, the driver wasn't too thrilled about this...even with all the money she might acquire. Maybe.

"This is great! She drives _leagues_ better than Mr. Game & Watch!" Nana rejoiced.

Mr. Game & Watch wanted to bash his head into the tempered glass window and slip quietly into silent darkness, but he physically couldn't. So he just palmed his face in annoyance.

"You guys have been talking since I picked you up. Can you please keep it down so I can focus?" the driver, Ann, pleaded. After which she quietly added "on not strangling you".

"We're sorry miss. Game & Watch, you talk too much. Stop talking so much," Popo scolded.

Mr. Game & Watch pretended to blow his brains out with his hand. Why was he even in this group again? It didn't matter...they'd get it in the end...

"How are we gonna go about getting the PIE-Shies back to Master Hand?" asked Nana.

"Ugh, I don't care as long as it doesn't involve me," Ann groaned.

"That's a great idea Ann! We'll just rent you for the day!" Popo said, overjoyed. "How's that sound?"

"Do you guys have any more than 200 bucks?" Ann asked, getting ready to pull over if need be.

"Mr. Game & Watch, did you bring the funds?" Nana asked.

There was silence for about 7 seconds. Then:

"Beep buzzzzz beep? (Are you shitting me?)"

"If you brought it, where is it?" Popo asked.

Mr. Game & Watch rolled down his window and jumped out. He obviously couldn't take it anymore. And by the looks of that double-barreled shotgun, neither could Ann.

"Um, Popo, run?" Nana asked.

**xxx**

Elsewhere...

Team Girl Power wasted no time in getting ready. In fact, they had already packed the essentials. Mainly because they hadn't been used in the past 2-and-a-half months. They were good to go. Like a proper turd.

"I knew it wouldn't take too long before we were in this exact situation, so I left everything in here," said Samus, flying around the city in her starship at her slowest possible speed, 70 mph.

"That was a very obvious comment, Samus. That's a first for you," said Zelda, eating gummi fruit snacks.

"Wow, that was smart of you Samus! I probably wouldn't have thought of that if you didn't say it right then," said Peach.

"Palpability varies," Samus said to Zelda, almost ignoring and interrupting Peach.

"I guess so."

**xxx**

Elsewhere...

Jigglypuff was right outside the Mansion, on her new cell phone. She had connections now, so she figured she might as well utilize them for this "adventure".

"C'mon man, pick up. I have something to win..."

The phone stopped ringing.

"How the hell did you get this number?" the voice on the other end whispered harshly.

"Hello? It's me, Jacobs. Jigglypuff. You need something that tells you who's calling. Whatever that would be."

"Ah. Good to hear from you again, but say my name over the phone one more time, and I'll (bleep)in' cut you."

Jigglypuff chuckled. "Good ol' Jacobs."

Jacobs chuckled as well. "What's the problem, Jigglypuff? Need something?"

"Well, I'm stuck in this PIE business again-"

Jacobs sighed. "That hand has issues. Continue."

"What'd I tell ya? This time, we gotta find all the PIE-spawned Yoshies and get them to go back to that hand with the issues. Whatever his name was."

"Well, how can I help you?"

"Well...I need transportation, maybe a couple of weapons-"

"I think my team can develop a radar in a timely fashion. That should help."

"Cool, that'd be just fantastic!"

"Transportation...I think I can lend you one of my copters."

"Wow. You're a savior, man."

"As for weaponry, I just got a few new shipments from Mr. Cognito. I could spare a modded RYNO or two. Maybe a Sheepinator."

"Ooh, yeah, definitely bring that!"

"Good. Two of my men will be at your residence at 1330 hours with all the goods. You'll need all the luck you can get."

Jacobs hung up. Jigglypuff was overjoyed.

"I'm overjoyed!"

...Ugh.

"I finally have the upper hand! This is gonna be a piece of...wait a sec...what time is it?" Jigglypuff ran back inside the mansion and checked the grandfather clock in the foyer. It read 1:29.

"...No way..."

She could hear helicopter rotors in the near distance.

**xxx**

Elsewhere...

The Three Brave Swordsmen took a page from the ways of the knight and cowboy and rode into the city on steeds. Link, as expected, had Epona. Marth had acquired one with a gray and brown fur mixture. Roy had attained a black one. Both had yet to name their horses.

"What do we do as soon as we spot one of these PIE-things?" asked Roy.

"Try to reason with it. If it attacks you or your steed, retaliate," answered Marth.

"Good thing there's not that much traffic today. We can canter with minimal problems, right in the street," Link said.

"Anyone else notice that helicopter headed for the mansion?" Marth asked.

"Not our problem," Roy said.

"Anyone else notice that guy behind us on his bike? With a gun? Following us?" Link asked.

That guy shot and narrowly missed Marth's hair.

"Time to gallop."

The team transitioned into a gallop. That guy tried his absolute best to stay on their horses' tails.

"What's his problem? Doesn't he know he's liable to get killed if he stays anywhere near us?" asked Link, looking over his shoulder.

That guy shot and narrowly missed Roy's hair.

"Time to turn."

The team made a left turn into a one-way street. There was a bit of traffic, so some dodging was required.

"Try and stay together, and don't fall!" said Roy.

"Yes, because I _really_ want to do that!" replied Marth, turning onto the right sidewalk to avoid the incoming compact car. Link went onto the left sidewalk. Roy managed to make a clean leap right over the vehicle, narrowly missing another gunshot (the shot cracked the car's windshield, and it crashed as a result). That guy just swerved to avoid it, and pedaled like mad to catch up.

"Everybody out of the way!" Marth yelled, bowling over several citizens and missing far less.

Link missed everybody on the sidewalk, because he was Link.

Roy managed to trample 2 people coming out of their cars.

**xxx**

Elsewhere...

The Brat Pack had ridden to the city on their own unique modes of transportation. Ness had that bike he "rented". Young Link had a scooter. Pichu had the basket of Ness' bike.

"Good thing I rented this bike," said Ness, smiling.

"Are you ever going to return it?" Young Link asked.

"Well, I-"

"No. No you're not. That bike is yours now, unless the bike shop owner hunts you down like the thieving dog you are."

"...Pi... (Harsh...)"

"There's no way that old man is that ambitious. Besides, I saved his life-"

"You _helped_ save his life, if I recall. Your little girl friend was the one who got things going."

"Pi. (True.)"

"Agree with him one more time, and you're going overboard. And we weren't...together."

"I never said that. Didn't you see the space?"

"Pichu pich- (I know I di-)" Pichu and the basket he was in was thrown off Ness' bike altogether. It hurt a lot less than he thought it would.

"You should go get him back," Young link pointed out.

"You should shut up," Ness snapped.

_**Next time on The PIE Chronicles 2...Wild PIE-Shi appeared! What will our teams do?**_

_**"Go back to that jerk? Is that supposed to be funny?"**_

_**"Trust me, it'll make things a lot easier if you just come with us."**_

_**"Jigglypuff...what the HELL did you do that for?"**_

_**Hmm. I'm interested.**_


End file.
